


Gone Girl

by Kindassunshine



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Kissing, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-05 00:41:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3098564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kindassunshine/pseuds/Kindassunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>‘Do you really think he can make you immortal, death eater?’ she asked softly, eyes glowing in the firelight. Snape frowned, then slowly shook his head; ‘no, I don’t think that.’ </p>
<p>Lily knows there's a difference between really loving someone and loving the idea of him but now she's standing on Snape's door step she's not so sure. About eighteen months prior to the birth of her son Lily Potter makes a visit to Spinner's End... before she's gone in every way you can be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Gone Girl

**Author's Note:**

> So currently in the midst of a full HP re-read (hence this!), slogging through Order of the Phoenix at present... forgot how grim it all is once Voldemort's back on the scene :(
> 
> Snape is definitely my favourite... I know he's baddie but what can I say? I won't say it isn't his fault because it is but ah! I think we can forgive him if Harry can. 
> 
> Enjoy!

As she emerged from a narrow alley into another row of sooty terrace houses, Lily Potter pulled the hood of her violet cloak closer. She paused; scanning the way ahead of her and listening for any sound in the stillness. The snow that lay heavy on the ground muffled everything, making her feel like she was in an enchantment.  
Lily hesitated beneath the only streetlight, sighing out a white cloud. She closed her eyes for a moment; she should just leave. Go. Disapparate. Disappear. Melt like the snow without ever seeing his face. But how could she? If there was even the slightest chance… Lily flicked her eyes open. She could see a light on in the last house of the row.   
Her knock echoed dully in the night. After an unbearable wait – that could only have been a few seconds – she heard a rattle then the sound of light footsteps from within. A thin, sallow young man pulled the door open a crack, wand in hand. Behind the door, Severus Snape wore a thick mustard jumper, a patched work robe and an expression of shock on his gaunt face.   
‘You,’ he said blankly. Lily bit her lip.   
‘Yes, Severus, it’s me,’ she tried to smile but his black eyes flashed.   
‘Leave,’ Snape hissed, eyes flickering up and down the road behind her.   
‘Aren't you going to let me in?’ she huffed, breath spiralling around her. Snape’s expression changed; ‘why?’  
‘I want to talk to you,’ Lily told him, watching his face. He looked back at her warily, and well he might; many things had changed since they’d been children together.   
‘Where’s Potter?’ Snape muttered pulling the door open a little more to scan the street again.   
‘In London,’ she explained shortly, ‘he doesn’t know I’m here. No one does.’ Snape regarded her. For a moment he looked like he would say something cutting but then wordlessly stepped back to allow her entry.   
‘I wasn't sure you’d be here,’ she told him as she pulled off her cloak, revealing Muggle jeans and a jumper, much like those Snape wore beneath his robes. ‘I thought you might…’ she sucked her lip, ‘be somewhere else.’ It was well known Voldemort liked to keep his most valuable supporters close by.   
‘Obscurity is often a place of safety,’ he murmured, hanging her cloak in the tiny passageway. Lily rolled green eyes: ‘you’re hardly under the radar, Sev.’   
‘What would you know about it?’ he snapped, shocking her.   
‘I only meant-’  
‘Why are you here, Lily?’ he asked tightly, interrupting her. She felt a tender rush at the sound of her name. There was a secret power in it. Then anger rose like a flame in her chest; she still cared for him even after all this time, fool that she was.   
‘Fine,’ she growled, hands on hips, ‘I’ll just come out with it – Black, you saved him. Why?’   
‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ Snape snorted, ‘I’d curse him out of the world, if I ever saw his mangy face again.’   
‘You’re lying,’ she gave him a savage smile; ‘Sirius said the curse flew straight over his head, they were laughing about it, but you wouldn’t miss that badly – not with Black.’ Snape was shaking his head but Lily grabbed his forearms, staring into his face. This was why she’d come; she’d told herself that if she could see his face she’d know if he was lying. He glared back at her, black eyes unreadable. For a moment Lily thought he might shake her off and curse her but instead he caught the back of her neck drawing her close.  
‘You think you know me better than the Dark Lord?’ he whispered softly, long fingers tangled in her hair.  
‘What reason would you have to lie to your master, Severus?’ she whispered back, stepping closer. He flinched.   
‘I thought about you,’ he sneered, letting her go, ‘you and Potter, crying and carrying on, you comforting him over that mongrel and I just... couldn't bear it.’ With this admission he seemed to sink in on himself; his skin looked greyish in the light of the single candle that lit the hall.   
‘That’s it?’ Lily asked, eyes boring into him, ‘but you hate Sirius… and you just…’ He shrugged stiffly. ‘How… how can you care so much about me and still follow that madman?’ He shrugged again but then flicked his eyes back to hers; their blackness seemed to burn in the gloom.  
‘Why did you come here?’ he murmured.  
‘I told you I…’ Lily stopped and sighed, knowing he’d seen through her; ‘I’m still trying to save you, Sev.’   
‘I do not require saving,’ Snape grunted, folding thin arms.   
‘Not by a Mudblood, right?’ she snapped, stung.   
‘Not by anyone,’ he growled, ‘I have made my own choices, wise or otherwise.’  
‘I can help you,’ she pleaded, catching his elbows, ‘Dumbledore could help you, protect you.’  
‘No,’ Snape told her flatly, shrugging her off. Lily glared at him.  
‘You think he’s right then?’ she shouted at him, ‘you think I and everyone like me should be slaughtered or enslaved?’ She half expected Snape to bristle but right then he seemed too exhausted to care.  
‘My opinions are irrelevant at this stage,’ he muttered, looking down at the worn carpet allowing his shoulder to press to the peeling wallpaper.   
‘Not to me,’ Lily told him. Snape looked up at her, expression still unreadable, then shrugged again; ‘I don’t think it’s a very logically sound argument.’ She smiled at this.   
‘Can’t we sit down?’ she murmured and he nodded curtly to the door behind her.   
The room was in complete darkness apart from the embers glowing in the grate. Her first impression was that she’d entered a library in miniature. Books covered every wall and sat in piles about the floor. As Snape stepped forward to poke the fire with his wand, she ran a fingertip along the black leather spines. The gold lettering was flaking and peeling. There was something elegant in their dilapidation; it suited him. An ancient sofa and matching Axminster, in dark greens dominated the room. By the fire a pair of button-backed armchairs sat, resplendent in acid green leather. Lily took this in with a small smile; it was almost exactly how she’d imagined the Slytherin common room.   
‘What are you making?’ she asked, spotting the cauldron in the fire.   
‘Veritaserum,’ he grunted disinterestedly, stirring the contents, ‘we seem to be getting through rather a lot of it at the moment.’   
‘I thought it had gone out of fashion… too unreliable,’ she said flopping back into the sofa with a soft puff of dust.   
‘Results vary,’ Snape shrugged, peering at the potion then scratching a note on roll of parchment, ‘but that could be said of anything.’ Lily watched him, absorbed.  
‘I think about you as well, you know,’ she muttered, looking at her hands. He didn’t answer. After making another note he tucked the parchment away and moved to sit next to her on the sofa. They watched the fire crack and shimmer in silence. She looked at his profile in the firelight. He was almost like a child; sat rigid, too frightened to touch her.   
It was an unexpected relief to be near to him, to watch his chest rise and fall, to see the small movements of his hands. To know unequivocally that he was alive. But such illusions were shattered easily; a flash of green light and he’d be as dead as a stone. She reached out covering his thin hand with hers. There was a pause then he turned his palm up and interlaced their fingers, holding her hand so tightly he might have expected her to Disapparate at any moment.  
‘I think about you… all the time,’ he whispered. Lily exhaled softly. Then she was turning to him wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling with all her strength, crushing his mouth to hers. She shifted to sit astride him, trapping him against the cushions. He made a muffled sound, whether of pleasure or shock Lily couldn’t tell. She released him. They looked at one another.  
‘Do you really think he can make you immortal, death eater?’ she asked softly, eyes glowing in the firelight. Snape frowned, then slowly shook his head; ‘no, I don’t think that.’   
‘I don’t think so either,’ Lily told him, eyes burning in to his, ‘I think this might be the only chance we’ve got.’ Snape was staring at her, swallow face unreadable.   
‘I’m so sorry, Lily,’ he murmured, caressing her face gently.  
‘I know,’ she smiled, leaning down to kiss him again.   
‘We can’t-’ he muttered, shying away from her.  
‘It doesn’t matter,’ she told him, pulling at his sleeve. He was watching at her, expression still carefully blank. He wanted her, she knew. Lily stood up, backing towards the fireplace, pulling her jumper over her head, long red hair tumbling loose. Snape stood too immobile. She unbuttoned her jeans and with a final glance at him pulled them down over her hips. Snape made a soft noise, taking an apparently involuntary step forward. She smiled at him, twisting her hand up her back to unhook her bra, flushing as his eyes dropped to her breasts. He was close enough to touch her now and he did. Thin hand cupping her hips, sliding along the ticklish part of her waist then up over her ribs. She gasped as thumbs stroked the side her breasts. Snape stilled looking into her face again. Lily plucked at the fastening of his robe and he shrugged it off quickly. Lily ran a hand over his chest, the dark hair surprising her; she had difficulty thinking of him as an adult at times. He lowered his mouth to hers, cupping the back of her head.   
‘Are you sure about this?’ Snape murmured, rubbing his cheek against hers. She slid her hand into his underwear, making him pant into her neck. Lily kissed him hard pulling him down to the rug, not stopping until he lay on top of her. She was glad of the heat from the fire. She pushed his underwear down with her feet, while he snapped a severing charm to return the favour. Naked now she kissed him again, wrapping bare legs around his thin waist. He groaned into her mouth, hands stroking her shoulders and collar bones then slipping lower to squeeze her breasts. She moaned, arching her back. Snape kissed her throat, moving down her chest, mouth hot and wet. He licked her nipples then sucked them as she squirmed. He kissed each rib, thumbs digging into the hollows of her hips to keep her still.  
‘Severus,’ she gasped breathless. He glanced up at her then nipped her hip. Her toes curled tightly as Snape ran the flat of his tongue along her inner thigh before kissing between her legs. Lily shivered as he licked her, caressing her stomach. Her breath was coming short gasps as intimate muscles stretched taut. She cried out as her climax peeked, knees jerking up reflexively, nails digging into Snape’s shoulders. He leaned up on his elbows, grinning at her.   
‘You want me to do you?’ Lily panted when she’d got her breath back. He shook his head, sitting up and moving over her, leaning down to press his mouth to hers. He ran his hand up over her waist to cup her cheek. Lily stared up into his fathomless eyes.   
‘Are you reading my mind?’ she murmured, reaching up to tuck Snape’s hair behind his ears.   
‘Are you reading mine?’ he whispered back, voice a little rough. She laughed throatily, sliding her hands over his chest and down between them. His prick was shockingly hot in her palms. She sighed lifting her hips, joining their bodies as Snape sank down.   
Though he was skinny, he was pleasantly heavy on top of her; hips bones digging in to her flesh, forcing her legs wider to accommodate him. She groaned. Her back bowed as he pushed deeper into her. She moaned writhing, pressing her breasts into his chest. Lily could see his eyes were wide and she stroked his cheek soothing. He lowered his forehead to hers shifting his hips suddenly. She gasped.  
They soon found a rhythm, he rocking his hips in a perfect counterpoint to hers. He panted into her mouth, cradling her head and wrapping his other arm around her back. Lily could feel heat rising up her chest, sweat sticking their skin together. Snape moaned softly, hooking his hand under her knee and sinking deeper. She screamed again, clawing at his back and pulling his hair as she threw her head back. He grit his teeth, eyelids flickering, slowing his movements to swallow thrusts. She giggled and Snape grunted shivering.   
‘C’mon,’ she murmured, sliding her hand down to pinch his behind. He gasped, breath catching. Lily squeezed him, twist her hips up. He kissed her savagely forcing her deeply into the carpet as his body clenched. The mirror above the mantelpiece cracked. She shuddered feeling sticky heat wet her inner thighs. Snape lay on her, breathing heavily, for a moment before rolling onto his back. She touched his cheek gently and smiled seeing his dark hair stuck to his forehead with sweat.   
‘Lily,’ he murmured gently, kissing the palm of her hand. Lily looked at him and for a moment there wasn’t anything else to think about.   
‘I’ll make a tea,’ Snape muttered, sitting up. Lily glanced at him then laughed.  
‘A tea?’ she chuckled. He raised a dark eyebrow at her.  
‘I can make you a restorative if you like…’ he smirked and she slapped his leg lightly. He stood, conjuring a large checked blanket and handing to her before pulling on his jeans and jumper. She wriggled beneath it, folding herself up on the sofa. She must have fallen asleep because when she opened her eyes again Snape was back in the room, talking rapidly to the fireplace.   
‘Yes… naturally I understand that,’ he was saying tersely. She couldn’t hear the response, sitting up to peer at the head in fire. She bared her teeth wishing the sleek blond hair would set alight.   
‘Severus?’ she murmured softly. Snape flinched, eyes flicking to hers, flames reflecting eerily.   
‘Oh, forgive me, Snape,’ an amused voice drawled, ‘you have company?’ Snape made a silencing gesture behind his back. Lily sank back into the shadows biting her lip.  
‘I will send an owl directly,’ he told the fire in a clipped voice, ‘and of course, I will prepare the potion for tomorrow evening.’  
‘Make sure you do,’ Malfoy sighed, ‘he seems a little… tense.’   
‘That can’t be helped,’ Snape muttered folding his arms.   
‘Oh I don’t know,’ Malfoy chuckled, ‘perhaps you could give him a few tips. What’s her name, Snape?’   
‘Good evening, Lucius,’ Snape grunted flicking his wand. Lily was watching him silhouetted in the firelight.   
‘That was Lucius Malfoy,’ she mumbled, getting off the sofa and beginning to dress. Her hands were shaking; as though she had only just remembered the entire wizarding world was at war.   
‘It was,’ Snape agreed, handing back her jumper.   
‘I need to get back,’ she told him, avoiding his eyes. Snape stood arms folded, thinking.   
‘You need to be careful, Lily,’ Snape told her, handing over a chipped but steaming mug. She shook her head with a rueful laugh: ‘we've been lucky before and third time’s the charm, right?’ she sipped tea still not looking at him.   
‘Your luck is going to run out, Potter’s luck is going to run out,’ Snape sighed, shaking his head too, ‘I wish you’d let me help…’   
‘Use your influence?’ she asked archly, pulling her long hair over one shoulder.  
‘What little I have,’ Snape snorted, eyes on the cauldron in the fireplace.   
‘Voldemort can be beaten, Severus, I really-’ he stopped her with a hand across her mouth, eyes wild.   
‘Are you mad?’ he hissed, hands gripping her shoulders painfully as though he would have liked to shake her.  
‘I’m not afraid.’  
‘Then you are mad,’ he told her flatly, ‘his power increases by the hour, Lily. There are some saying he is invincible now.’   
‘Dumbledore doesn’t believe-’ she started stubbornly.   
‘Dumbledore doesn’t know everything,’ Snape muttered, turning from her to sit on the arm of the sofa. Lily looked at his back, lost for words. They were at an impasse. But what had she expected? He was still a Death Eater. She bit her lip. There was good in him – she knew it – there was loyalty, bravery, mercy, even kindness perhaps. Selfish and pointless as it was she’d just wanted to see that spark once more.   
Lily watched the slump of his shoulders, feeling a heavy weight settle into her stomach. Not only had she risked her own life by coming here but she had put his at risk as well. Malfoy may not have seen her but Snape would still have to give them a convincing lie. And lying to Lord Voldemort was not something done lightly. Suddenly Snape cursed, loud and unexpectedly, right hand coming up to grip his forearm.   
‘What is it?’ Lily asked, staring at him.  
‘Nothing,’ he grunted, although his entire body was contracted around his wrist, ‘it’s nothing… it’s just – I need to go.’ After a moment whatever convulsion gripped him seemed to abate and he was able to straighten up. Lily watched, blood pounding in her ears. Snape slipped from the room, returning with a cloak and a mask. Her blood turned to ice.  
‘Y-you’re going to him now?’ she choked. Snape inclined his head: ‘you’ll need to leave with me, my wards will activate again once I leave the house.’ They walked in silence back to the hall way.  
‘Is it because of Malfoy?’ she asked, trying to sound calm as he handed her back he cloak. He frowned then shook his head; ‘I don’t think so.’ They stepped outside into the narrow street that looked like it had been iced. Though he had pulled the black cloak around him, Snape still held the mask in his hand. Lily looked at him for a moment, heart throbbing somewhere in her throat. She couldn’t let him go to them with their secret like an axe above his neck.   
‘What are you going to say?’ she whispered quickly, seeing he was anxious, however unwilling, to go.   
‘Say about what?’ he muttered back, scanning the road behind her for Muggles.  
‘Us,’ she hissed desperately, catching his wrist so he would look at her. He flinched and she caught a brief glimpse of a tattoo she hadn’t known he’d had.   
‘I hardly expect to be quizzed on my personal life,’ he snorted. She glared at him.  
‘But what if you are?’ she asked him doggedly. Snape was frowning at her now.   
‘I’ll say it was some witch I met in a bar,’ he told her slowly.  
‘You’ll lie?’ she muttered scanning his face.  
‘I can hardly tell the truth,’ Snape snapped at her, Lily could feel her eyes burning; ‘you know how the Dark Lord deals with collaborators? Or something worse – he’d send me back to you for information.’  
‘I would never-’  
‘You think you’d have a choice? You think that I’d have one?’ Snape gave mirthless laugh then took a deep steadying breath; ‘Lily, I have got to go now or I will be answering questions I’d rather not,’ he paused glancing at her uncertainly, ‘I’ll write to you shall I? I mean – send an owl… as soon as I can.’ Lily nodded mutely letting him kiss her gently on the mouth. He stepped back to Disapparate. She had to act now. Before she could change her mind, Lily pulled out her wand and whispered one word; obliviate.   
In the moment his black eyes were completely expressionless, Lily ducked out of sight. She watched from behind his neighbour’s garden wall as Snape shook himself, looking around in confusion before gripping at his forearm again and twisting on the spot. Lily stood as soon as he’d vanished, an ache in her chest. She began to walk away from Spinner’s End, snow deadening all sound around her and fresh flakes falling on the ground behind covering her foot prints; almost as though she’d never been there at all.


End file.
